attempting willingess

all we can do is try and be willing to do it again.

It’s the beginning of the new year, and I am incredibly overwhelmed. Not by tasks, not by work, not by any of the things that are usually overwhelming.

Today, I am overwhelmed by all the good things and all the possibilities in my life. This morning, a dear friend of mine opened up about so much of her life, and it made this next thought so starkly clear:

It’s hard to do something that you’ve never done and never had demonstrated for you.

All the things we need in life — love, grace, acceptance, whatever it is — are incredibly difficult to give to ourselves, when we don’t know how. And so many of us don’t know how to do that for ourselves. Which is how we come to patterns of relying on other people for happiness, love, acceptance — whatever it is we need.

We can’t do it for ourselves if we don’t know how. But how do we learn?

I don’t have an answer to this. But I think somewhere in the answer is the strength to be willing. Willing to try, to attempt, to be vulnerable and share ourselves with someone, to shut up and listen, really listen to someone else, to try something new, to keep trying something. There are so many ways we can be willing.

After listening to my friend, I realized I want my greatest strength to be my willingness. I want the words, “I’m not sure, but I’m willing to try and learn,” to be what I say the most. A tally at the end of my life should show that I said this phrase the most. I still have decades of life left, so I have plenty of time to rack that up.

I’ve used the word “how” a lot in these last few paragraphs. How does the collective “we” do this? I don’t know. How do I do this? All I can control is myself.

In the last year, I’ve learned this acronym for how: honest, open, and willing.

Elizabeth Gilbert frequently says, “I have no cherished outcome,” and I think that’s a critical piece to add.

If I can be these things — honest, open, willing, and with no cherished outcome — any attempt I make will be worth it. It doesn’t matter what the outcome is, or if there even is one. The attempt is the point.

So this is an attempt. 2026 is a year of trying, of being willing, of attempting whatever comes.